Month: July 2005

  • KILL AN AMERICAN


    You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American. So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is... so they would know when they found one. (Good on ya, mate!!!!)


    An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek.


    An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan.


    An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as Native Americans.


    An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.


    In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.


    An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.


    An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.


    The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.


    An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need.


    When the Soviet army overran Afghanistan 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!


    As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan. Americans welcome the best, have the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least.


    The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.


    Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.


    So you can try to kill an American if you must.


    Hitler did.


    So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world.


    But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.


    Author unknown


    (P.S. This works for the British too!)

  • CRIMINALLY STUPID

     These
    awards are bestowed to honor the criminal acts involving a degree of
    stupidity unmatched by others in more legitimate professions.

    The Winner:

     When
    his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
    holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
    something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
    tried the trigger again. This time it worked....

    The honorable mentions:

     The
    chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
    and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
    company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to
    have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
    chef's claim was approved.
     
    A
    man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
    blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
    the space. Understandably, he shot her.
     
    After
    stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
    that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
    the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
    a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
    telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
    bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
     
    An
    American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
    wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
    injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
    close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
     
    A
    man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
    and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
    pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
    clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
    leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
    from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
    money, is a crime committed?)
     
    Seems
    an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
    just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
    booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
    head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
    thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
    was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    As
    a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
    purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
    to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
    the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
    back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
    stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
    that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
     
    The
    Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
    King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
    cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
    cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
    the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
    frustrated, walked away.

    Arguably the Runner-up:

    When
    a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
    Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
    at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
    near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
    trying to steal gasoline and had plugged his siphon hose into the motor
    home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
    press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
     

  •  

    EIGHTH GRADE EDUCATION



    Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

     

    This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

     

    8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS-1895

     

    Grammar (Time, one hour)
    1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
    2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
    3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
    4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of"lie,""play," and "run."
    5. Define case; Illustrate each case.
    6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
    7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

     

    Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)

    1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
    2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
    3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
    4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
    5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
    6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
    7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per metre?
    8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
    9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
    10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

     

    U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

    1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
    2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
    3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
    4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
    5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
    6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
    7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
    8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

     

    Orthography (Time, one hour) Do we even know what this is??

    1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication
    2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
    3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals
    4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
    5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
    6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
    7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
    8 Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
    9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
    10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

     

    Geography (Time, one hour)

    1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
    2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
    3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
    4. Describe the mountains of North America.
    5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
    6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
    7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
    8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
    9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
    10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

     

    Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete. Gives the saying "he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it? Also shows you how poor our education system has become... and,

     

    NO! I don't have the answers.