CRIMINALLY STUPID
These
awards are bestowed to honor the criminal acts involving a degree of
stupidity unmatched by others in more legitimate professions.
The Winner:
When
his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked….
The honorable mentions:
The
chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
chef’s claim was approved.
A
man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
After
stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
An
American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A
man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer…$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)
Seems
an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
As
a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer,
that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
The
Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
Arguably the Runner-up:
When
a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and had plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
Comments (2)
Thanks. Lots of good laughs there!
Great laughs Paul !!