February 18, 2008
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ADVICE FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH
In the South: –
If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. (do not buy food at this store.)
Remember, ‘Y’all’ is singular, ‘all y’all’ is plural, and ‘all y’all’s’ is plural possessive
Get used to hearing ‘You ain’t from round here, are ya?‘
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can’t understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective ‘big’ol,’ truck or ‘big’ol’ boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
Be advised that ‘He needed killin.‘ is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, ‘Hey, y’all watch this,‘ you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to shoot.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we’ll accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ‘em biscuits.
Comments (3)
ha!!!
The lesson I learned soon after moving to TX from New England is: No matter how cocky they are, don’t ever remind Southerners of who won the war. Texans are especially sensitive on the whole ‘North vs South’ deal. Most are in denial, I think.
We have our own “North-South” divide here in the UK, even though we are only talking 200-300 miles. Southerners are convinced we ”oop north” all wear flat cloth caps and keep whippets.