Month: June 2004

  • MICHAEL MOORE - THE LIBERAL VOICE?




    Unfairenheit 9/11
    The lies of Michael Moore.
    By Christopher Hitchens
    Posted Monday, June 21, 2004, at 12:26 PM PT










    Moore: Trying to have it three ways

    One of the many problems with the American left, and indeed of the American left, has been its image and self-image as something rather too solemn, mirthless, herbivorous, dull, monochrome, righteous, and boring. How many times, in my old days at The Nation magazine, did I hear wistful and semienvious ruminations? Where was the radical Firing Line show? Who will be our Rush Limbaugh? I used privately to hope that the emphasis, if the comrades ever got around to it, would be on the first of those and not the second. But the meetings themselves were so mind-numbing and lugubrious that I thought the danger of success on either front was infinitely slight.


    Nonetheless, it seems that an answer to this long-felt need is finally beginning to emerge. I exempt Al Franken's unintentionally funny Air America network, to which I gave a couple of interviews in its early days. There, one could hear the reassuring noise of collapsing scenery and tripped-over wires and be reminded once again that correct politics and smooth media presentation are not even distant cousins. With Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, however, an entirely new note has been struck. Here we glimpse a possible fusion between the turgid routines of MoveOn.org and the filmic standards, if not exactly the filmic skills, of Sergei Eisenstein or Leni Riefenstahl.


    To describe this film as dishonest and demagogic would almost be to promote those terms to the level of respectability. To describe this film as a piece of crap would be to run the risk of a discourse that would never again rise above the excremental. To describe it as an exercise in facile crowd-pleasing would be too obvious. Fahrenheit 9/11 is a sinister exercise in moral frivolity, crudely disguised as an exercise in seriousness. It is also a spectacle of abject political cowardice masking itself as a demonstration of "dissenting" bravery.

  • SENDING OLD MEN TO WAR 


     
    If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC.  But I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.  They've got the whole thing backwards.  Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.


    For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.


    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.  "My back hurts!"  "I'm hungry!"  "Where's the remote control?"
     
    An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink.  An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.


    An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.  Old guys get up early (to pee).


    If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. 


    Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.  We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.  We like them almost better than naps.


    They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however.  I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after training.  I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."  And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.  I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.


    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.  He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out, to learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
     
    All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death, let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11.  The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.


  • GRANDSON GOES TO STATE BASEBALL FINALS





    Frega's hit sends Bulldogs to sectional title game


    By MATT HARNESS



    Kane County Chronicle


    MORRIS — Called up to the varsity team before the playoffs began, Pat Frega gave Batavia baseball coach Matt Holm an extra bat in the dugout in a case it was needed.


    Holm's decision to add the sophomore to the roster proved to be the difference in Wednesday's semifinals of the Class AA Morris Sectional.


    Making only his second trip to the plate in the postseason, the pinch-hitter supplied the game-winning single in the bottom of the sixth inning to give the Bulldogs a 2-1 victory over Oswego.


    "I was just trying to hit something to the right side," Frega said of his hit that skipped over the first-base bag and brought home courtesy runner Chris LaFleur. "I think I was late (with my swing). I've never seen (a pitch) that fast before."


    The win come-from-behind win was Batavia's second in a row. The Bulldogs (24-11 overall) rallied from two runs down to beat Minooka 5-2 on Monday.


    After an out to start the sixth, Kenny Smalley reached base on a walk. Joe Mandele tied the score at 1-all with his double to center and forced Jernstad from the game.


    With Todd Crackel on the mound, LaFleur, running for Mandele, got to third on a passed ball before Frega found a crease down the line.


    "He's a contact hitter," Holm said of Frega. "He ended up with the big hit."


    Batavia advanced to Saturday's sectional championship game against the winner of today's Naperville North-Waubonsie Valley game.


    After walking two batters in the first inning, Mandele managed to find his rhythm to earn the victory. He allowed one run but scattered three hits and struck out one. The senior set down the Panthers (22-16) in order in the seventh, two on ground balls in the infield.





     

    Smalley's HR lifts Batavia


    By MATT HARNESS


    Kane County Chronicle



    NAPERVILLE — Coming from behind is nothing new for the Batavia baseball team.


    So when the Bulldogs were down by two runs to Downers Grove North going into the bottom of the seventh inning of Monday's North Central College Supersectional, they found a way to send the game into extra innings.


    And with one swing by Kenny Smalley in the eighth, Batavia advanced to the state tournament for the first time in school history.


    The Bulldogs (26-12 overall) play Carmel at 9 a.m. Friday in the quarterfinals at Elfstrom Stadium in Geneva. The Corsairs beat Maine West 6-2 to win the Schaumburg Sectional.


    All five of Batavia's postseason wins have come after it has trailed.


    After Smalley and Joe Mandele each reached on hits to start the seventh, Kevin Roskoskey and Derek Nielsen both drove in runs to force extra innings.


    The Bulldogs had 12 hits, and Mandele, minus the two-run homer he surrendered in the first inning, held the Trojans in check. But the Bulldogs were sloppy in the field, committing seven errors that led to five unearned runs.


    Mandele allowed four hits and one walk in his complete-game win. He struck out five. Mandele pitched two innings Saturday, but came back to toss eight Monday.


    After walking the lead-off batter of the game, the senior served up a long two-run homer to Justin Behm.


    Batavia scored five in the third off DGN starter Christopher Koudelka to take a 5-3 lead. Pat Frega, Roskoskey and Nielsen all had run-scoring hits.


    The Great Escape



    Bulldogs overcome six errors to earn first-ever trip to state
    By Tim Wagner

    STAFF WRITER






    NAPERVILLE — Once again Batavia's baseball team needed something big so, naturally, they called on a kid named Smalley.

    With one swipe of aluminum, Ken Smalley sent shockwaves through the North Central College Class AA Super-Sectional as the Bulldogs' senior turned on a fastball and sent it soaring over the left-field wall as Batavia capped a small miracle to secure the program's first trip to the IHSA State Baseball Tournament.

    With two outs in the bottom of the eighth and the score with Downers Grove North tied at 7, Smalley ripped a Ryan Murray pitch and uncorked the bottle of every childhood dream with his two-run, walk-off home run for a 9-7 Bulldogs' win to set up a 9 a.m. Friday quarterfinal matchup opposite Mundelein Carmel at Elfstrom Stadium.

    Carmel knocked out Maine West 6-2 on Monday to advance to baseball's Elite Eight.

    Batavia's last super-sectional appearance came in 1967, so 2004 has absorbed an overwhelming feeling of destiny, considering the Bulldogs were seeded seventh in the sectional bracket.

    What a comeback

    Trailing 7-5 entering the bottom of the seventh, Batavia (26-12) quickly was running out of outs. Smalley and Mandele opened with back-to-back singles and both advanced on a wild pitch. After a strikeout, Kevin Roskoskey plated Smalley on a groundout before Derek Nielsen picked up his third hit of the day by lining an RBI single the opposite way to right, tying the score at 7. "Play of the game," Smalley said Nielsen's clutch at-bat. "We did a really good job coming back after those errors." Downers North (23-15) opened the scoring in the first inning when catcher Justin Behm crushed a two-run, tape-measure shot to left for a 2-0 Mustangs lead. "It's always nice to start out with a lead, to get on the board first," Behm said. Downers North added a run in the third to go up 3-0, but the Bulldogs loudly answered with five runs in the bottom of the third. Recently promoted sophomore Pat Frega continued his postseason tear with a two-run single, Roskoskey rocketed a two-run double to left-center and No. 8 hitter Nielsen, who was 3-for-3 and reached base all four trips, dumped a run-scoring single to right for a 5-3 Batavia edge.

    Mandele mowed through the order until Downers North scored a pair of runs in each the sixth and seventh thanks to two Batavia errors in each of those frames for a 7-5 advantage.

    "This is pretty much anything you can dream," Mandele concluded. "Nobody expected little ol' Batavia to go to the state finals."

  • HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2035 


    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.


    White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.


    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


    Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.


    Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Syria, Afghanistan, and Lebanon.)


    North Korea still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.


    35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


    Average height of NBA players now eight feet, seven inches.


    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.


    Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.


    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.


    Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine